[vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”532″ img_size=”full” alignment=”center”][vc_column_text]I was playing in the school playground when I heard my dad whistle at me.\u00a0He was standing behind the playground railings, beckoning me\u00a0to come to him. I ran over to him smiling and pleased to see him.<\/p>\n
\u2018Francie, go find your sisters and tell them they haven\u2019t to go home after school, you\u2019ve all to go to Brenda\u2019s tonight\u00a0for your tea.\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018Why? Why you not at your work?\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018Brenda\u2019s going to feed you. The baby and Kenny are already there. Mum\u2019s going to be busy, so I\u2019ll come and get you later from Brenda\u2019s. Got a wee Homer job I need to finish about 8. I\u2019ll take you all home after that,\u00a0okay.\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018What\u2019s mum doing? Why are we going to Brenda\u2019s?\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018Tell your sisters and I\u2019ll see you about 8\u2019<\/p>\n
Brenda opened the door holding my 10-month-old\u00a0baby sister. She was fat and heavy and could tell Brenda\u2019s arms were tired. I held my arms out\u00a0to take her, but Brenda shook her head and held the baby closer to her. As Pauline and Eileen strode past us and straight for the telly, \u2018Francie or Eileen\u2019 she shouted to us, \u2018I need you do me a favour\u2019 \u2018Who\u2019s the fastest runner?\u2019<\/p>\n
Uncle Jimmy was reading the newspaper and shouted over to his wife.\u00a0\u2018Brenda!\u00a0See they still haven\u2019t found anyone for that attempted murder yet. That\u2019s four weeks now and police saying they still don\u2019t have any leads.\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018What attempted murder you on about?\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018Francie\u2019s faster,\u2019 shouted Pauline.<\/p>\n
\u2018Yeah, Francie\u2019s faster.\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018That bloke, beaten to a pulp all bound and gagged, attempted murder. The attempted murder in chimney lane,\u2019 said Jimmy.<\/p>\n
\u2018Right Francie you go,\u2019 said Brenda. \u2018I’ve run out of dry nappies, so you need to go home and get some more. Oh, right the guy that was there for four days think they found him just in time, poor bloke. Francie, take this key to let yourself in, be quick and run back and I\u2019ll have your tea ready.\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018Is my mum in the house?\u2019 I asked.<\/p>\n
\u2018Police have no leads or suspects\u2019 said Jimmy lifting the paper.\u00a0\u2018It says here, he sustained such head injuries that he has no memory, but police have identified that the stockings found inside his mouth and used to tie him up were \u2026African sunset,<\/em> \u2026. fucking bonkers. What do we pay the police for when they come up with crap like this.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Tell your mum I\u2019m sorry Francie, I wouldn\u2019t do this unless it was desperate. So run as fast as you can. Do you know what Jimmy?\u00a0 I tell you this, I bet you it was an old woman that did it, there’s an old woman in there somewhere\u2026 don\u2019t give me a stupid dirty look Jimmy Murphy.\u2019<\/p>\n Uncle Jimmy closed his paper, tilted his head back and laughed.\u00a0It wasn\u2019t a real laugh, it was a loud long\u00a0kid on laugh that had\u00a0no niceness in it, saying something to Brenda without the words.<\/p>\n \u2018Francie, what you doing standing here when I told you to go?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Honest to God Brenda, see the utter shite that comes out of your \u2026how the fuck \u2026an old woman\u2026 the police know nothing but you know\u2026.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018My gran wore African sunset<\/em> stocking for years. Half the old grannies in this city have got African sunset<\/em> on their legs, it\u2019s an old\u2026 doesn\u2019t show the varicose veins\u2026 strong and\u2026 really strong and lasts forever. I wear tights, rip like fuck\u2026 but men don\u2019t know that\u2026 and if you need to tie somebody up quick and you don\u2019t have a rope, and you can\u2019t buy\u00a0a rope \u2018cos the shops are shut, \u2026so it must have been after 6 at night\u2026.\u2019<\/p>\n Uncle Jimmy interrupted her excitement with his kid on loud\u00a0laugh.\u00a0He used it to make her stop, and it worked, she stopped.<\/p>\n \u2018In and out quick Francie now, do you hear?\u2019 said Brenda nudging me with her hips.<\/p>\n I could smell the blood the moment I entered the close. It got stronger as I climbed the four flights of stairs. I was hoping it would stop before\u00a0I got to my door, but it didn’t.\u00a0I put the key in door and opened it slowly, the smell of blood and something else hit my nose as I stood in our tiny hall. The house was quiet, and strangely dark. The smell came from the living room. I tapped\u00a0and said, \u2018Mum it\u2019s me\u2019 and\u00a0shyly opened the door.<\/p>\n Mum was sitting in the darkness facing the fire with my father\u2019s winter coat over her.\u00a0The living room fire was blazing. Mum turned around and saw me.\u00a0\u2018What the fuck?\u2019 she said with fear on her face and panic in her voice.\u00a0She quickly grasped at the bundle of newspapers around her feet and scrunched them up.<\/p>\n \u2018What the hell are you doing here?\u2019 she said throwing them into the fire.\u00a0\u2018What the fuck?\u2019 she repeated, grabbing the poker, pushing the newspapers deep into the flames \u2018Get out of here!\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Brenda said the baby needs more nappies.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Jesus Christ…how did you get in here?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Brenda gave me a key.\u00a0 She said she\u2019s sorry but \u2026\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Oh for fucks sake! The stupid\u2026 stupid\u00a0bitch\u2026 Get them! Up there, on the pully\u2019 she shouted.\u00a0\u2018Get them and\u00a0get out of here.\u2019\u00a0She turned her back on me,\u00a0furiously gathering and filling the fire with the paper that surrounded her. The room glowed bright with the suddenness of all she was burning. I untied the pulley rope and let it fall from the ceiling enough\u00a0that I could jump up and grab two nappies.<\/p>\n \u2018Mum are you okay?\u2019<\/p>\n Mum hauled dad\u2019s heavy coat higher onto her shoulders and arms. Then she widened them, so they looked like wings, like sparrows do in the nest\u00a0to give warmth and protection, hoping that some of the tiny lives in the thin\u00a0shells\u00a0underneath them might survive and become the next generation. As she moved closer to the fire, she and her wings purposely darkened the room.<\/p>\n I let myself out.<\/p>\n I ran all the way to Brenda\u2019s. She was dishing sausage and chips out onto plates. I followed her around the room. I waited until she had served everyone.<\/p>\n \u2018What\u2019s up Francie? I keep banging into you, go and sit down!\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Brenda, I think my mum needs a doctor.\u2019<\/p>\n Brenda didn\u2019t look at me; she put the salt and vinegar in the middle of the table.\u00a0\u2018What makes you think that? she smiled.<\/p>\n \u2018I leaned into her again and whispered, \u2018There’s blood everywhere.\u2019<\/p>\n She stopped smiling and pulled me over to the sink away from the ears of my siblings.\u00a0\u2018What do mean blood?!\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Mum was sitting in the darkness; she had the big chair pulled in front of the fire.\u00a0She had no clothes on, no knickers or anything, just her bra and my dad’s\u00a0big coat over her.\u00a0There were newspapers all over the floor,\u00a0and in between her legs. The papers were covered in blood, with bits of like… liver, liver and lumps\u00a0of\u2026 blubbery stuff. She was burning them when I went in and when she saw me, she got all angry and threw all the newspaper that had been in between her legs, that had the most blood on it, into the fire.\u00a0That\u2019s how I know she had no knickers on.\u2019<\/p>\n Brenda turned over her shoulder. \u2018Keep your voice down Francie.\u2019\u00a0She turned on the taps and started washing some dishes.<\/p>\n \u2018So, what else?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018There was something in the fire, and I could smell it, I could smell it burning.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Brenda I\u2019m going to head for a few beers\u2019 said Uncle Jimmy as he reached inside Brenda\u2019s bag opened her purse.<\/p>\n \u2018Jimmy no, for fucks sake, leave my purse alone.\u2019\u00a0He smiled as he pocketed the money and put on his jacket.<\/p>\n \u2018We\u2019re\u00a0skint Jimmy, don\u2019t do this.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I thought Doreen gave you a few bob for babysitting? You kids be good, and if you\u2019re good, I\u2019ll let your dad buy me a few beers tonight, and maybe Aunty Brenda will kiss my tickly bits when I come back.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018My dad\u2019s not in the pub,\u2019\u00a0said Eileen. \u2018He\u2019s doing a\u00a0job in somebody\u2019s house and getting us after it.\u2019\u00a0\u2018Is that right?\u2019 said Uncle Jimmy.<\/p>\n \u2018Your tickly bits?\u2019 \u2018Do you really think after the day I\u2019ve had \u2026\u2019\u00a0\u2018See that…\u2019 he laughed addressing us kids, \u2018That\u2019s why I married your Aunty Brenda\u2019 closing the door\u00a0behind him.<\/p>\n \u2018Honestly, that fucking man, turn my back for five minutes and that fucking man is out the door.\u2019 \u2018Right\u2026 so for Christ\u2019s sake\u2026so\u2026 that fucking man\u2026 you were telling me you could smell something Francie?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Something was wrapped up in newspapers and burning.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018What did it look like?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019m not sure. Mum grabbed more\u00a0of the newspapers\u00a0and threw them on top of it, so that I couldn\u2019t see it. She was really angry and kept shouting at me. She looked really tired and I could tell she\u2019d been crying. Why was my dad not there?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018What else did you see?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018My dad should be with her if she\u2019s crying.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018What else Francie?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Nothing \u2026 just a smell.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Smell like what?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Like\u2026 meat or chi\u2026 I don\u2019t know.\u2019<\/p>\n Brenda put her head down.<\/p>\n \u2018I\u2019ve never seen so much blood in my life.’\u00a0Brenda let out a long sigh.<\/p>\n \u2018Mum got a fright when I went in. She threw all the newspapers between her legs into the fire, that\u2019s how I know she had no knickers on.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Francie, did you see what was burning? Tell me the truth… Francie\u2026 It\u2019s okay you can tell me.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I didn\u2019t see anything! Just paper.\u2019<\/p>\n Brenda straightened herself. \u2018Your tea\u2019s on the table Francie.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Where\u2019s my dad?\u2019<\/p>\n He\u2019s coming for you all at 8.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018He needs to know about mum.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018He knows.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Why doesn\u2019t he get a doctor if he knows?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Your mum doesn\u2019t need a doctor… she\u2019s doing everything right.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018I don\u2019t know what you mean?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018She\u2019s doing the right thing. The doctor doesn\u2019t need to know.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018What do you m…\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018How old are you, Francie?\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018Nearly nine.\u2019<\/p>\n \u2018You\u2019ll know what I mean when you\u2019re older\u2019 and she patted my shoulder.<\/p>\n \u2018Go get your tea.\u2019<\/p>\n [\/vc_column_text][\/vc_column][\/vc_row]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" [vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”532″ img_size=”full” alignment=”center”][vc_column_text]I was playing in the school playground when I heard my dad whistle at me.\u00a0He was standing behind the playground railings, beckoning me\u00a0to come to him. I ran over to him smiling and pleased to see him. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":532,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-531","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartburnwomen.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/531","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartburnwomen.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartburnwomen.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartburnwomen.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartburnwomen.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=531"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/heartburnwomen.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/531\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":541,"href":"https:\/\/heartburnwomen.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/531\/revisions\/541"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartburnwomen.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/532"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/heartburnwomen.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=531"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartburnwomen.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=531"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/heartburnwomen.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=531"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Frances<\/h4>\n