This man wanted something that I did not, but that he felt entitled to have. 

Refusal took a sinister turn, revealing itself months later, as he tried to smash down my door with threats of killing me. Terrified, I tried to calm him through the door. My new partner was with me trying to comprehend the situation. He insisted I call the police. The man quickly fled on this announcement. My heart was pounding. Isn’t this all a bit melodramatic? 

The police swiftly arrived with clear advice. Call him. Say no, once more, clearly, calmly, firmly, then zero contact. Of course, the clarity, calmness and firmness didn’t work. This man is now officially stalking me and not going to give up. Watching me, following me (for months), sitting outside my flat, messages, voicemails, photos…dick pics, him with a gun in his hand (to kill himself, or me, or both?), threatening to use my children to gain access to me (fuck with me, but DO NOT fuck with my kids!).

The police were fantastic. I felt listened to, protected. It took women to be murdered for people like me to receive this level of support. Stop Stalking. This organisation helps people like me feel safe again. 

Court. It came to court. How did it get to this! All I had done was say no to this man. Refused what he wanted.

Victim support prepared me for what was to come. This came in the form of a retired policeman who, the day before, explained what would happen, and how to deal with it. He met me outside the court building, which was a relief because Mr Stalker was waiting there for me. I was also escorted safely home. 

Court was me sitting across a table from my stalker, and the female judge. It was a good thing I’d been forewarned of this close proximity and the advice “make no eye contact with him”, “he will attempt to provoke and manipulate you”. Oh, how he tried! The judge was having none of it.

A restraining order was granted. 150 meters from me and my kids. Any contact would result in arrest. My name and number placed on a red alert to the police for immediate response.

Years later, I feel almost safe.

But, I will not be intimidated, I will live my life.